Three Decades and Counting

This past Wednesday was my 30th birthday. A major milestone like this instinctively makes you stop and reflect. What have I learned and accomplished in the past 3 decades? What can I look forward to in the future? All in all, in restrospect, I feel that I've done pretty well. I am happily married with 2 amazing little girls and a job that I actually enjoy. Some people might call that "the good life" and those people would be right. But the road to this life was not a perfect one. I've made mistakes in these past 30 years and that is the purpose of this blog. My intention here is simple: learn from my mistakes. And if you giggle once or twice at my lack of judgment then so be it. Here are some important lessons I've learned in my life so far:
1.Always squeeze the first bit of ketchup over a sink. No matter how hard you shake the bottle- if you skip this integral step- you will always wind up getting that clear, slimy ketchup juice on your hotdog or burger- and that’s gross.
2.If you think you’re in labor, then you probably are. Don’t wait for your husband to confirm your suspicions- especially if he’s asleep.
3.If you are very awkward and unpopular in middle school, don’t worry. You can redo your past. It will only cost you a college degree and a decent salary, but it can be done.
4.If you find yourself engulfed in a nation of red ants at the park, then DO panic. Unlike most wild animals, ants will NOT go away if you just stay still or play dead.
5.I know you really want your big brother to play with you, but if he offers to play “Cowboy” with you, you need to run away. If you agree, then HE will become the Cowboy and YOU will become his horse. On a brighter note, the scar under your chin will heal nicely and be almost invisible by the time you’re 30!
6.Don’t ever cut your own bangs. Especially if you are under the age of 5.
7.Don’t be absent from school unless it’s absolutely necessary. I was absent when they taught us Roman Numerals and I have paid a hefty price. I never know what Superbowl we’re in and that’s not cool.
8.Sleep whenever you can before you have kids.Once you have kids, you will spend the first few years of their lives wishing you could've taken those hours you stayed up in college and have “banked” them for your present life. No matter how much you pray, God can’t reimburse you sleep time. Trust me, I’ve tried.
9.Diet soda can never taste like regular soda. Seriously, it’s scientifically impossible. Just drink water and move on with your life.
10.No matter how easy Martha Stewart makes a craft look on T.V., there’s no way you can pull that off if you have been artistically challengd all of your life. Remember, those are trained professionals and you just can’t compete with that. Just buy it on ETSY and say it’s homemade. Nobody said it had to be YOUR home…

Now, I don't expect these to be etched into two stone tablets any time soon, but I still think what we've done here is quite valuable. I hope I've helped somebody here, because there's nothing worse than a ruined hotdog.