First Day Jitters

There are so many things running through your mind on the morning of your first day at a new job. All of these emotions are taking up valuable real-estate within your psyche and can even cause you to question showing up at all! The nervousness. The doubts. The fear of the unknown. The wardrobe choices. Should I buy lunch or bust out the "She-Ra metal lunchbox with matching thermos? It's all so much to take in at once. I was definitely feeling the first day jitters that morning. This was the most important day of my career.

I woke up at 6:30, which was at least 2 hours before I was due to start. I needed to be on my "A" game if I was going to be sharp- and trust me. I needed to be sharp. As I prepared myself physically and emotionally, I envisioned all of those motivational emails that I had seen throughout my lifetime. One in particular came to mind- the Lion and the Gazelle in Africa. Do you know which one I'm talking about? It's something about how the gazelle and the lion both wake up early and...umm... because...uhhh....I think one of them thinks they're the king of the jungle and the other one gets mad? Maybe? No. Ok wait. The gazelle is afraid that he'll be eaten by hungry, hungry hippos? Nope, that's definitely a board game. The lion meets a tortoise and a hare who are trying to cross the forest to get to their sick grandmothers’ house? That's not it either. Anyway, in the end, both animals have to run to stay on top. That's how I was feeling this particular morning.

I had my game face on, my running shoes double knotted and my hair up so as to not create any unnecessary distractions. As I frantically put together enough Sippy cups to last me until December, my two new bosses walked into the kitchen to which I quickly and respectfully responded with "Grace Johnson reporting for duty as a stay-at-home mom, sir!!!" Olivia and Chloe just looked at each other, giggled and made their way to their high chairs from which they both exclaimed, "Mommy, leche please." Just 3 days ago I had completed my job as a teacher and now here I was, starting my new job as a stay at home mom. Granted, I am a mom 365 days a year, but being that I work full time during the school year, I don't get to spend as much time with the girls as I would like from August to June. So when summer starts to come around I get both excited and anxious because I once again get to stake my claim to the fulltime "mommy" title and a lot has changed with these two in the past year!

First of all, we are now officially and unapologetically in the Terrible Twos. And since I have two of them, I like to refer to this time as the Terrible Two-twos, which makes me think of pretty ballerinas prancing about instead of thinking about how my sweet angel Chloe likes to wave her hand at me in a Mariah Carey tribute yelling "No! No! No! STOOOOOOOP!!!!" when I try to change her out of her Minnie Mouse pajamas in the morning. I'm sorry; I didn't get the memo about not getting out of pajamas until AFTER our afternoon naps, girls. My bad.

I can't tell you which is easier- staying home or going to work. All I can tell you is that constantly shifting from one to the other is not an afternoon alone in Target (or as I like to call it- PARADISE). Every time I become a stay at home mom, either because of Spring Break, Winter Break or summer, my daughters greet me lovingly but with a bit of resistance. Transitions are not our strong suits, it appears. All I can do to battle that resistance is show them my never-ending repertoire of patience.

What's that Chloe? You've learned how to jump on my feet in such a way that you land on the exact same toe in the exact same spot repeatedly- causing me great pain while I'm cooking? That's great, pumpkin! And you, Olivia? You like to scold me when I try to get you to eat by throwing your entire plate of food at me? Awesome, sweetheart! Can't wait for us ALL to spend the next hour picking black beans out of every corner of this house on our hands and knees! Seriously, I don't think one can ever be prepared to have to shell out the amount of patience necessary to be the kind of parent who doesn't just yell at their kids all day long. I should have the Dalai Lama calling me to ask for pointers on how to keep his cool.

Now trust me, I have my moments of insanity. For instance, just two weeks ago my daughter Livie was getting her two back molars. There are few times more painful for ALL of us than when one of the girls is teething. There is drooling and Tylenol and sleepless nights, and that's just ME- you should've seen poor little Livie! On this particular morning, Olivia was behaving especially "puny" and Chloe was apparently feeling a bit of jealousy (or as we call it- sympathy pains) and wanted to behave like a newborn too. I couldn't take it anymore. All the crying and whining. I felt my heart start to race. Did someone just turn on the heater? I began to feel myself getting to the point where there was going to be some good old fashion yelling up in this joint!!! So I did the only logical thing I could do. I got up, walked into the girls' playroom, I closed the door behind me and I pushed down the lock.

You did WHAAAAATTT??? Yup, that's right. I locked myself in the girls’ playroom. I didn't really know what to do after I was in there other than try to organize some of their toys but I wasn't going to back down from my irrational decision. Truth is I needed a break and some time away from them so that I didn't begin to yell like Kate Gosselin on ANY episode of Jon and Kate Plus 8. It's true that yelling might make me feel good for a second or two, but all that would do is elevate the amount of crying which was already at a "10" when I prefer it at a "2" and then I'd feel like a lousy parent for yelling at them when they (and by "they" I mean Olivia because technically there was NOTHING wrong with Chloe and that time) don't feel well. After about a minute, the in-stereo crying stopped and I heard the little pitter patter of feet coming towards the door. But no words. Just heavy cry-breathing and sniffles. I sat on the opposite side of that locked door just waiting. The ball was in your court, girls. Make your move!!!!!! I could hear them sort of whisper to each other in their weird twinphonics and then finally, a light knock. I guess Chloe lost the game of rock, paper, scissor because it was her little voice that I heard next."Mommyyyyyy. Where ARE youuuuuuuuuuu?" I had heard those words spoken that way many times before when playing hide and go seek and there was something about the innocent way that Chloe said those words that made me erupt into a cloud of laughter so genuine that all I could do was open the door and say, "Yes girls. You found mommy."

So there I was, trapped in an impromptu game of hide-and-go-seek. I was proud of myself because I stuck to my guns. I didn't yell. Life's too short for yelling and frankly, yelling at my boss would definitely lead to my immediate termination. I love this job and I'm willing to work hard to make it work. I've come a long way since my first day and I think I've passed my first review period. I have my own parking spot near the front, I have an unlimited supply of crayons and I even have two sweet girls who let me sit with them during lunch. Now if I could only negotiate a bit on the salary....



“Every morning in Africa, a Gazelle wakes up. It knows it must run faster than the fastest lion or it will be killed. Every morning a Lion wakes up. It knows it must outrun the slowest Gazelle or it will starve to death. It doesn't matter whether you are a Lion or a Gazelle... when the sun comes up, you'd better be running.”